


when you love me, it's so lovely loving you (so lovely loving you)

by genderenvy



Category: Half Live VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Domestic, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Nonbinary Character, Other, They/Themrey, idk what else to tag this, pretty much everyone is mentioned but most of them are only one line or two lines, teen for swearing i guess, uh shit i dont know how to tag things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderenvy/pseuds/genderenvy
Summary: “Benrey… Benrey... get off me.” Gordon feels like his ribs, his lungs, his entire body is being crushed. “I can barely breathe.”“But I don’t wanna.” Benrey’s voice is as monotone as ever.“You’re gonna fucking kill me!”“Okay.” Benrey does not move.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 15
Kudos: 354





	when you love me, it's so lovely loving you (so lovely loving you)

**Author's Note:**

> not beta read cause fuck it  
> you can find me on tumblr @rrrrrrrex (7 R's)  
> the title is from Sunkissed by Khai Dreams

“Benrey… Benrey... get off me.” Gordon feels like his ribs, his lungs, his entire body is being crushed. “I can barely breathe.”

“But I don’t wanna.” Benrey’s voice is as monotone as ever.

“You’re gonna fucking kill me!”

“Okay.” Benrey does not move.

“Benrey!” Gordon finally gathers up enough strength to push Benrey off of him. He doesn’t need this shit right when he is waking up.

“Cringe Feetman won’t even let me cuddle with him. What a fail husband.”

“Well, maybe I’d let you cuddle with me if you hadn’t tried to suffocate me in my sleep.” Gordon rolls onto his side so that he can properly face Benrey. “I’d say you’re being a cringe spouse.”

“What?” Benrey drags out the word. “That’s so mean. I’d never be cringe.”

Gordon hums in mock agreement. “Sure. What was it you said when we got married? Poggers?”

Benrey’s face lights up with a blush, inhuman gray skin darkening. A bit of the Sweet Voice slips out of their mouth, scarlet and fuchsia. Gordon knows what the colors mean instantly. When Benrey speaks, their voice is a slightly higher pitch than normal. “Shut up dude. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Wow, you’re kinda rude. Making things up to make me look bad.”

Gordon chuckles, laying his hand on Benrey’s face. “Yeah, maybe. I’m horrible and mean. Hey, I love you.”

The flush on Benrey’s face darkens. For a moment, they don’t say anything, simply hiding their face in their hair. Then, quietly, so quiet Gordon barely hears, Benrey speaks. “Love you too, Feetman.”

Gordon smiles at Benrey, then rolls over onto his other side to stare at the clock on his nightstand. He squints, unable to make out the tiny, glowing numbers without his glasses. Gordon groans, rubbing his eyes. It does nothing to help his vision. He flops down onto his back and catches Benrey staring at him. He smiles up at them. “Like what you see?”

Benrey’s hand comes down on Gordon’s face. It’s not hard, it doesn’t hurt, but the impact still shocks Gordon.

“Ow!” What the hell?!”

“You saw nothing.”

“What?”

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, don’t do this so early. I don’t even know what time it is. Benrey, dear, can you tell me what time it is?”

“It’s, uh, 6:38.”

Gordon sighs. He pries Benrey’s hand off his face. “I gotta get Joshua up.”

“He’s a big boy now. He can get up on his own.”

“Yes, I know he’s a ‘big boy’ now. But he’s also like you and doesn’t like to get up in the mornings. He’s probably slept through all his alarms.”

“Ugh, fine. Go get your fail son up.”

“You will not call _our_ son fail, Benrey.” Gordon sits up, resting against the headboard of his and Benrey’s shared bed before extracting himself from the tangle of sheets. As Gordon is rummaging through his closet from something to wear, he hears Benrey pipe up.

“Oh, nice. Likin’ the view back here.”

Benrey is hit in the face with a shirt. “Shut up.” He prays Benrey can’t see the crimson on his face. When he finally finds an acceptable shirt and pair of shorts, he slips them on as fast as possible. Turning around, he finds Benrey still sprawled out on the bed, their wild hair somehow spread out across all three of the pillows they sleep with. Gordon walks over, picks up his glasses, puts them on, and pats Benrey’s shoulder. “You have to get up at some point.” Benrey simply sticks their tongue out at Gordon in response. Gordon mimics the action. He begins to finally make his way out of the room, not stopping when he hears Benrey shout “Ass!” behind him.

Gordon makes his way down the short hallway towards Joshua’s room. When he’s about halfway there he’s hit by the bitter scent of coffee. Taking that as a sign that Joshua’s already awake, Gordon changes his path and heads for the stairs. The change from soft carpet to cold hardwood briefly shocks him, waking him up a little. He descends the stairs, metal right hand gripping the railing. His knees aren’t quite what they used to be. He hasn’t exactly been active during the 14 years since Black Mesa. He reaches the bottom and rounds the corner into the kitchen, finding Joshua hunched over his phone, hovering near the coffee machine.

“Good morning, Josh.”

Gordon watches him startle and nearly drop his phone. He turns around once he stuffs his phone into his sweatshirt pocket. _Good morning,_ he signs. It’s a little slower than usual, evidence that he’s likely just woken up not long ago.

Gordon opens his arms for a hug. Joshua steps into it, and Gordon wraps his arms around him. The hug only lasts a few seconds, but Gordon doesn’t mind. Joshua usually doesn’t like this much physical contact in the mornings. It must be a good day for him.

“Getting ready for school?”

Joshua nods, turning back to the coffee maker when it beeps. He pours the liquid from the ceramic mug into a metal thermos. Once the cap is on, he turns back to Gordon. _Still tired. Don’t want to be awake right now._

Gordon rests his hand on Joshua’s shoulder. “Well, the good news is you only have a few weeks left until you’re done.”

_Yeah, but finals are coming up. Not excited._

“I’m sure you’ll ace them. You’re a smart kid.”

Gordon and Joshua continue talking for a few more minutes, until the watch on Joshua’s wrist beeps, signaling that the time is 6:45. Joshua looks down, then back up at his dad. _I have to go,_ he signs. He picks up his thermos and starts heading for the door. _Bye._

“Goodbye! Drive safe, I love you! Oh, wait a moment.” Gordon turns in the direction of the stairs, cups his hands around his mouth, and shouts. “BENREY! Get down here and say goodbye to our son!”

In the next instant, Benrey is in front of Joshua by the door. Gordon has known that Benrey can teleport since Black Mesa, but he’s still not quite used to it. It still takes him by surprise. Somehow, Joshua doesn’t seem nearly as shocked by it as Gordon is.

“Yo, go be an epic gamer.” Benrey plucks Joshua’s glasses from his face.

Gordon watches, smiling, as Joshua rolls his eyes, takes his glasses back, and pulls Benrey into a brief hug. Despite Benrey’s shapeshifting abilities, they’re still shorter than Joshua. He never knew why they chose to be so short, but he wasn’t complaining. It made them easy to cuddle.

Gordon is snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a door closing and, moments later, an engine starting up, muffled by the walls of the house. Gordon listens to the sound grow more and more distant, until he can’t hear it at all anymore.

“Well, that’s done. I’m going back to sleep. Can’t believe you woke me up so early.”

“ _You_ woke _me_ up. And aren’t you streaming in a few hours? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for that?”

“How would I even get ready, bro? I already know what I’m gonna play.”

“I don’t know. Take a shower, actually get dressed, maybe get the stuff set up. I don’t know, man. I don’t stream, that’s your thing.”

Benrey looks down at their clothes. They aren’t wearing a shirt, just a pair of sweatpants and mismatched socks. “You got a problem with my clothes man? You want me to change right here, right now? Right in front of you? Huh? You want me to get naked?”

“Oh my god! Benrey! No!” Gordon starts heading for the stairs. He calls out to Benrey behind him. “At least put on a shirt, please.”

“What are you doing? Where are you going?”

“I’m going to shower. What did you think I was doing?”

“Can I join?”

“No!” Gordon sprints the rest of the way up the stairs.

\----------------

Gordon glances at the clock on his computer. The time reads 11:57 am. Benrey’s stream is supposed to start soon. Gordon knows that once it starts, he won’t be able to get much more work done. There are perks to sharing an office with Benrey, but trying to work while they are streaming is not one of them. Gordon loves them and the content they produce, but they aren’t exactly quiet. That, and Gordon often got pulled into playing games with them and Josh.

At noon on the dot, Benrey appears in the office. They stride over to Gordon, kiss him on the cheek, and sit down at their desk. They mess with their computer for a bit, setting things up before officially starting the stream.

“What's up gamers? Today we’re playing, uh, Cooking Mama Three.” Gordon watches Benrey start up The Simpsons Hit and Run on their PS2. “Huh? What? No, this is definitely Cooking Mama Three: Shop & Chop.”

“Benrey, are you lying to your viewers again?”

“Huh? Yea- No! Why’re being so mean to me, bro? I’d never lie.”

Gordon rolls his eyes, turning back to his own computer. He really should be working.

Time passes relatively quickly for the next hour or so. Gordon continues his work, albeit at a slower pace than before. Benrey seems to be having fun, only occasionally disturbing Gordon on purpose. That is, until Benrey gets bored and starts asking Gordon to come play Cooking Mama Seven, which they have somehow set up for multiplayer, with them.

“Don’t you love me? Why won’t you play the game with me?”

“I do love you, but I also don’t want to get fired.”  
Benrey wraps their arms around Gordon from behind. “C’mon man. Please.”

“No, Benrey. I have to get this done.”

“But even the chat wants you to come play. Dude, you’re being so unpoggers right now.”

“I really have to get this done. I can join you later, okay?”

“If you play with me now I won’t lay on top of you and ‘suffocate you’ when you sleep tonight.”

Gordon sighs, rolling his eyes. It’s an obvious lie, but he wanted an excuse to get out of his work anyway. “Fine.”

There’s a shift in the air around Gordon before a second pair of arms wraps around his chest and lifts him up out of his chair.

Gordon shifts in Benrey’s arms until he can look them in the eyes. Well, he would look them in the eyes if it weren’t for the fact that Benrey currently had sixteen of them. The ever-present shadow over the top half of their face made it difficult to accurately count them.

“What’s with all the shapeshifting all of the sudden?”

“Dunno.” Benrey shrugs, still holding Gordon. “For fun I guess. Haven’t done it in a while.”

“You do realize your views can see you doing this, right?”

“Yeah. They’ve seen it before. They don’t care.”

“I know they’ve seen it before. It’s just,” Gordon’s voice drops to a whisper, “I don’t know, it seems kinda personal.”

“Awww, does Feetman care about me? What, got a little gay crush on me?”

“Fucking, of course I care about you, Benrey! And I know for a fact you care about me, too.”

“Wow, dodging that second question. So, you’re gay?”

“Yes! And so are you! Wanna know how I know? Cause you stood up at that altar and told me you loved me in front of the whole science team _and_ my brother.”

Benrey’s face darkens, all sixteen eyes immediately darting to the side, looking at anything but Gordon. “Bro, shut up! That was cringe.”

Gordon smiles at Benrey, leaning in to give them a quick kiss before patting their top set of arms. “Now put me down so we can go play that game.”

Benrey stares at Gordon for a few seconds, stunned. Finally, they speak. “Nope. I gotta carry you, man.”

“Benrey!”

\----------------

Later that night, Gordon is watching Joshua angrily sign to him as Benrey cooks… something in the kitchen.

_And then he gave me a fucking B, even though I deserved an A. He says I couldn’t get an A because I “didn’t speak at all during the video.” Even though he knows I don’t fucking talk! It’s like he hates me! I think he does! Why else would he fucking do that to me?! I put a lot of work into that thing!_

“Do you want to tell someone that he did that? He shouldn’t be able to give you a lower grade for that.”

Joshua sighs. _No, it’s fine. It won’t affect my GPA very much, so it doesn’t really matter. I’m just tired of dealing with his bullshit. I don’t even know how he’s still a teacher, he’s such an asshole._

“Well, did anything good happen today?”

Joshua shrugs. _Not really. Other than that, it was pretty normal. Right now, I just want to eat and go to sleep. I’m fucking tired._

“You wanna take a nap or something? I’ll go see what Benrey’s making.”

_Yeah. Cool._

Gordon pats Joshua on the back, then stands and begins to make his way towards the kitchen. Right as he’s about to round the corner into the room, he hears Benrey’s voice.

“You saw that today, dude? Pretty epic, right?.... I can’t tell you that, bro. If I do they’ll have to kill me…. Them.” Benrey laughs. Gordon takes the opportunity to peek around the corner and sees Benrey holding their phone to their ear with one hand, using the other to stir a pot of something on the stove. Gordon stays silent, quietly smiling. “I’m just messing with you. I’m not gonna die again, I promise. And, hey, if I do, you know I’ll come right back. I’m not- I wouldn’t do that to you, Tommy. Hey, I’m sorry if I worried you. I didn’t mean to upset you. I- Aw, shit! The food’s almost done. I gotta go, dude. Bye!”

Gordon finally walks into the kitchen. “You talking with Tommy?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Pretty good, bro. He’s making another Sunkist. Said he’s gonna name her Sprite. I said he should name her, um, Half-Life 2: Episode Three, but he didn’t really like it. Kinda cringe if you ask me, bro.”

Gordon chuckles. “And how are Darnold and Forzen?”

“I didn’t get to talk to them. Tommy said they were making some kind of soda grenade, but it blew up, so now they gotta fix the lab again.”

Gordon laughs again. “Why am I not surprised with those two? They’re basically an accident waiting to happen. Oh, that reminds me, I should call Coomer and Bubby. And probably John, too.”

“Your cringe fail brother can wait, help me with this funkin’ pasta.”

\----------------

“Yeah, ok….. Yes, I get it…. John, I get it…. Ok. Goodbye, goodnight. Love you, or whatever.” Gordon hangs up the phone. He sets it on his night stand, along with his glasses before laying down next to Benrey on their bed. He reaches over to his lamp and turns it off, plunging the room into a peaceful darkness that’s only broken by the pale moonlight filtering in through the blinds over the windows. For a moment, it’s silent, save for the humming of the dishwasher downstairs and the soft, muffled thumping of music from Joshua’s room.

Then, Benrey begins to hum, bits of the Sweet Voice slipping out. Pink to blue, _I love you._ Gordon smiles at the sound, turning to face Benrey. The colors blend together, bathing them in a soft purple light. And in that light, Benrey looks beautiful. Their long, dark hair looks so soft and fluffy. Gordon knows, if he were to touch it, run his hands through it, it’d be just as soft as he imagines. And so he does. One of Benrey’s previously closed eyes opens, looking at him, just for a split second, before closing again. They continue humming, the lights they’re producing dancing around Gordon. It’s nothing like the fight on Xen, where the light was painful, restricting. Now, it’s caring, calming, healing. Everything Benrey wishes to tell Gordon, but can’t find the words to say, is said in those quiet notes.

As Gordon begins to comb his hands through Benrey’s hair, they roll over, resting their head on his chest. It’s a comforting weight. Benrey is cold, inhumanly, almost worryingly so, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s familiar. It’s something Gordon can look forward to feeling every morning, every night, and, frankly, any time he wants. They may never admit it, but Benrey is quite affectionate, and, in all honesty, a little clingy. But Gordon doesn’t mind. He likes it.

The Sweet Voice begins to lull Gordon to sleep. He moves his hands from Benrey’s hair to wrap around their back, embracing them.

And Gordon swears, just as the last bits of consciousness are leaving his body, he hears Benrey mumble from on top of his chest, very quietly, “I love you, Gordon.”

“Love you too, Benrey.”

**Author's Note:**

> hasgisbudig thank you for reading uwu  
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated  
> again you can find me on tumblr @rrrrrrrex (7 R's)


End file.
